I have reached Dublin! I am currently going through the excitement that normally accompanies getting thrown into a new place. Everything is different! Everything is new! Perhaps that's why I chose this tiny island to pass off my days as a coolie-for-hire. A chance to start on a clean slate. It is not as if I am running away from anything but once in a way there is this growing temptation to pack your whole life into 2 suitcases and hit the road. Or perhaps maybe I expect the new country will excite me enough. But i think it is mostly the Anonymity which I longed for. Much like Veera when she tells her strait-laced fiancé "Let's run away".
When i decided to come back to the industry, I was super-scared that i just would not have the fire in the belly to get anything done in a corporate environment. My experiences in Seattle looked like a lifetime of dreary ennui. But in some ways I feel I have made my peace with this world - material et all. God, I am even finding some meaning and a place for a company like Microsoft in this world. Maybe I am overcompensating.
In so many ways I feel my position is somewhat close to that of Maitreya of "The Ship of Theseus". The monk who refuses to take medication to cure his condition because of his ideologies. Towards the end, in the midst of physical pain and at the edge of mental breakdown, he decides to leave it all and walk the path of seeming mediocrity and moderation. Pat comes the reply: either "Fallen angel" or "I told you so!". Nevertheless I see a lot of beauty at this juncture. The violent calm that follows a violent storm. A feeling of life coming the full-circle.
Life is not as intense as what it used to be. For sure. I am trying to convince myself that I won't miss the craziness too much in the next two years.
Perhaps I should take solace in the fact that in my experience meditation is the ultimate Anonymity. And one only needs to close his eyes. Or not!
It has been fruitful and enriching to live with Shringeri this last one year. My conviction in the whole "marriage thing" does not seem unfounded. If I look back at our year together, she seems more like a fellow traveler than a family member. Obviously my moving to Ireland has implications with respect to S. And to me too. Perhaps I should seek solace in seeing that Love is not just about gazing into each other but looking ahead in the same direction.