Zero Eight Zero Ruminations

So I am in Bangalore airport - the new Terminal 2. (I wanted to write 'swanky new teminal 2' - but i hate that the word is so overused). There are a few things which state that I am an inseparable part of the mainstream than going on a work trip and experiencing a bit of all-expenses-paid-biz-travel. I just checked in the 080 lounge in Terminal 2. It is comforting and soothing - the feeling of just being a part of a crowd - the upwardly mobile crowd currently enjoying the bounty of the breakfast spread in the airport lounge. This mocks all my pretensions of being an outsider - about living a life of a modern yogi. I guess if there is ever a time to take stock and check-in, this would be it.

In spite of this feeling of being a part of a crowd, strangely/surprisingly I feel mildly triumphant. I have been getting the few glimpses of results with my diet/weigh loss goals. I feel quite conscious of my body - including how I eat. I leant swimming!!! I have been running regularly and am hoping to complete my first full 41 km marathon later in October. Throughout all of this, I am feeling quite connected to the world and the people around me. I am feeling quietly confident and triumphant at times as my body eases through the hoops that I have set for it. There is an undercurrent of consciousness/mindfulness throughout it all. (The mindfulness part is the best yet boring part of this).

There is also the sense that there is always more in life. One can always eat a morsel of food more consciously, more thankfully. One can always learn a new thing. One can always set an even more awe-inspiring goal for this piece of flesh - the 40 years notwithstanding. A part of me tells me that these are all classic signs of mid life crisis. but I sense within myself no sign of those telltale feelings of angst or disengagement. In fact I feel quite happy about where I am placed right now. (Maybe too happy?)

I remind myself that this is a peak and a trough inevitably follows. That this too shall pass. But for now, I allow myself to savour this moment.

This moment of awareness

This moment of gratitude

This moment of comfort

This moment of connection

Last year around the same time, I had visited Mumbai and I had this feeling of being adrift. Not disconnection but the feeling of not being anchored - and I remember being haunted by this feeling. I am now going back to Mumbai. I come back to Mumbai feeling a lot more anchored and feeling a lot more at peace. Maybe there will come a point where I might start feeling chafed by this anchor and maybe somewhere in my mind, i might start yearning the feeling of being adrift again..

But not today.. I don't want to rush the crests and troughs of life. Right now, I remind myself to enjoy the breakfast. That Anna who is manning the dosa counter is a genius!

Current soundtrack: Meiko Kaji

Comments

My Machine of Loving Grace

Yesterday was wonderful. It was Saturday. The house felt more quiet after a flurry of activities. I gave myself permission to explore my curiosity. It's a wonderful time to be curious, especially when we're witnessing what might be the biggest transformation of our lifetimes. Claude's character voice Out of all the AI tools available, I find myself gravitating more and more toward Claude for its distinctive voice and character. As a user of technology, there's a growing sense of presence—a semblance of a particular personality that has slowly become an essential part of my life. I've come to expect Claude to be there as a highly available, intelligent sidekick. I use Claude several times a day, mostly focused on specific tasks at hand. I'm trying to understand, in retrospect, what triggers within me the decision to turn to Claude. I feel I need to isolate and identify this muscle—this muscle of agency—because the future of work will largely depend on our abil...

Revisiting America

I have been open about my obsession with America. I recently visited US after 7 years. Revisiting US was like discovering an old T-Shirt which was hiding at the bottom of your wardrobe for many years - feels alien initially but then it fits like a glove but then again, you sneer at your own juvenile fashion choices. I feel I resonate with US because it has some of the growing pains and dual identities that I have. It was interesting to see how some of my reactions to it have changed over the years. In a way, revisiting was an act of looking yourself into a time-machine mirror - feeling and juxtaposing your feelings with what you felt so many years ago. I went to the US for the first time in 2005 when i was a graduate hire for Microsoft. Its been almost 20 years since i first set foot in the US. So a few things changed. America's juvenile antics amuse me less and less - I feel so sad/ridiculous that a country supposed so far ahead on so many things can get such basics twisted arou...

Reflections on Sandekphu and Salesforce

So I just reached back to Bengaluru and I keep thinking perhaps this is a good moment to write something. Some kind of mental snapshot is warranted. I am hoping to join a new company - Salesforce after working in Visa for just 1.5 years. I just completed another trek - some 80 kms walk in the park. During the trek, I wrote down a bunch of mental sticking points and the advantage of having such a list is to see which one of them are perhaps temporary and which ones might stick around for sometime and haunt one. During the trek, I kept reminding myself that I should not fixate on the destination - that lofty peak or that supposedly pretty valley. The trek itself was the prize that I have earned. And the one that I wanted to celebrate. And celebrate is the right word for it. There is nothing that comes close to describing what it was. Just stretching the body and mind and asserting its capabilities. During those walks, I got reminded of Illayaraja's song "Pitchai Pathiram" ...

Ananth's Blog

Search This Blog