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Zero Eight Zero Ruminations



So I am in Bangalore airport - the new Terminal 2. (I wanted to write 'swanky new teminal 2' - but i hate that the word is so overused). There are a few things which state that I am an inseparable part of the mainstream than going on a work trip and experiencing a bit of all-expenses-paid-biz-travel. I just checked in the 080 lounge in Terminal 2. It is comforting and soothing - the feeling of just being a part of a crowd -  the upwardly mobile crowd currently enjoying the bounty of the breakfast spread in the airport lounge.  This mocks all my pretensions of being an outsider - about living a life of a modern yogi. I guess if there is ever a time to take stock and check-in, this would be it.

In spite of this feeling of being a part of a crowd, strangely/surprisingly I feel mildly triumphant. I have been getting the few glimpses of results with my diet/weigh loss goals. I feel quite conscious of my body - including how I eat. I leant swimming!!! I have been running regularly and am hoping to complete my first full 41 km marathon later in October. Throughout all of this, I am feeling quite connected to the world and the people around me. I am feeling quietly confident and triumphant at times as my body eases through the hoops that I have set for it. There is an undercurrent of consciousness/mindfulness throughout it all. (The mindfulness part is the best yet boring part of this).

There is also the sense that there is always more in life. One can always eat a morsel of food more consciously, more thankfully. One can always learn a new thing. One can always set an even more awe-inspiring goal for this piece of flesh - the 40 years notwithstanding. A part of me tells me that these are all classic signs of mid life crisis. but I sense within myself no sign of those telltale feelings of angst or disengagement. In fact I feel quite happy about where I am placed right now. (Maybe too happy?)

I remind myself that this is a peak and a trough inevitably follows. That this too shall pass. But for now, I allow myself to savour this moment.

This moment of awareness

This moment of gratitude

This moment of comfort

This moment of connection

Last year around the same time, I had visited Mumbai and I had this feeling of being adrift. Not disconnection but the feeling of not being anchored - and I remember being haunted by this feeling. I am now going back to Mumbai. I come back to Mumbai feeling a lot more anchored and feeling a lot more at peace. Maybe there will come a point where I might start feeling chafed by this anchor and maybe somewhere in my mind, i might start yearning the feeling of being adrift again..

But not today.. I don't want to rush the crests and troughs of life. Right now, I remind myself to enjoy the breakfast. That Anna who is manning the dosa counter is a genius!

Current soundtrack: Meiko Kaji



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