Himalayan Memoirs: WTF! (Gauri kund-Kedarnath)

I had already made this trek once and the experience from last time made me consciously savor every step along the way. It was somewhere during this day that I remembered that all the days of walking till now was towards this. The anticipation of meeting Kedar filled me. It was not an anticipation filled with love alone. It was an anticipation filled with love, rage, joy, madness, gratitude, dance. There was a part of me wanting to die in gratitude there. Gratitude for so many things: the rain, Maamaji, the old sage who was walking beside me barefoot etc etc. I was also very angry with what was happening in my life. I was angry about all the drama, the betrayal, the lost paradise, friendships severed, the frickin’ uncertainty which loomed in front of my life. I wanted to say a word or two to Him about all this. So many things were played out in my mind as I was inching closer to Kedar. Till now, I had just walked sometimes even forgetting where I was walking towards. The wild can do that to you. It was only in Gaurikund that I realized I was a part of the world where people had things to do. I saw a couple snuggling together on their way down. I saw people wearing jeans and t-shirts whose otherwise sensible colors were blatantly garish seen against the backdrop of endless greenery of the past few days. I even sighted one techie wearing an ‘Oracle’ jersey. I realized that my trek would be over today. What next? The eternal question. What the f*** next?

I was thinking about what my opening salvo would be when I meet Kedar. But when I did come at last in front of Him, I just flopped to the ground and tasted the thick air all the while trying to come up with something to say, something to pray, something to ask.

Soon time to leave Kedar came. I left Kedar feeling elevated in spite of all the problems and confusions facing me when I go down the mountains. Felt elevated because in the midst of such physical and emotional vulnerability, there was a sense that they could not take away everything from me. They could not take away Shambho. Not yet…

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