Today is November 1st. I am leaving Isha Yoga center tonight. Last 2 days here in the ashram has been wonderful. Today was especially gorgeous.
I got up early and showed up in my yoga mat.
Showing up on the yoga mat has become a thing for me. Especially when I am visiting ashram. One thing is that it reminds of what it means to be deeply human – I used to fight the idea that AI agents can think. Especially working with Opus 5.5, I am very clear that what is happening within them can definitely be called “thoughts”, “reasoning”. There is really no straw to clutch anymore. But I am more convinced than ever that they do not/cannot/will not experience anything close to consciousness. I obviously don’t have an explanation. But showing up in the yoga mat has at least let me taste this last frontier a few more times till I am proved wrong.
On a less philosophical note, “showing up on the yoga mat” means you start the day by confronting a simple question – should I get up at this ungodly hour or not. It means I said “yes” – consciously yes to move my life forward. Move it deliberately, move it with agency, move it with consciousness. It means that I live the talk. Over the last few years, I have often found myself writing affirmations to myself that “Meditation that I just experienced, is the most profound thing – the most precious thing in my life”. It is a reminder - a rage against the possibility of ever forgetting this simple fact – in spite of all the places of I go, in spite of all the things that I experience, in spite of all the things that I gather in my life. “Showing up on the yoga mat” is one way to live this talk – not as lofty thoughts while taking a break/while reading osho or drinking coffee. It is to live this talk at a moment of choice – when the warm sheets of the bed sounds like the most amazing thing.
Today’s Sadhana was wonderful. I did the Asana (whatever I remember of it). And just like many other times, like magic, my Shambhavi and Dhyanalinga meditation was really effortless. By the time I walk out of DL, I feel the day is already done. It is perfect. Now everything else is a bonus – the toddlers who are fun to watch, the humid but cool November day, the occasional sprinkles from the sky, the overpriced coffee at Café 26. Bounty of life.
Showing up on the mat is also something else. There have been moments when certain thought patterns live rent-free in my head. Most of them are embarrassingly prosaic – EMI math, sequence-of-return risk, AI job apocalypse, some work dynamic etc. I will most probably recognize these unstoppable thought trains when it happens but during the thick of the day’s work. Yet I don’t seem to have much power over it. In such circumstances, “showing up on the mat” is giving myself permission to check out of this Hotel California. And when I take that opportunity, it is a great relief. It is a relief that the world and its real problems can wait. For just a brief few hours, life is broken down to its absolute fundamentals – just a sequence of yogic practices – to be done mindlessly/thoughtlessly.
“Showing up on the yoga mat” means something physical too. It means showing up in person in the massive Suryakund mantapam. Everything about this place reminds me that the only thing left to be done is the Sadhana. I am joined by a diversity of human bodies who are all here for the same purpose. They remind me by their slow movements, kriya sounds, chanting or just by their stillness of their being. If I happen to open my eyes in my unawareness, this darshan is enough to remind me of the profound simplicity of the situation. I know what I have to do. I just need to shut my eyes and other orifices and ignore anything else happening in my mind and keep doing what I am already doing – breathe, move, be.
In the evening, after some light work, I go walking along the forest path adjoining Shivapadam. This is always a must-visit in any trip to Ashram. There is a very good word in Japanese Shinrin-yoku (森林浴) meaning “forest bath” which describes this experience very accurately. Today was especially memorable. The air was heavy with humidity, the forest was an extra shade of green after the recent rains. The foliage was thick and there was a sharp organic smell everywhere. Sometimes one can see across the barbed fence the density of life in the forest beyond. I cannot help think about what mysteries lie there – what depth and intensity of life… All of this puts a real perspective to this tech bro from Bangalore. After doing 3 circumambulations, I was still trippy for more.
I feel endlessly grateful for this weekend – for the sangha, for DL. And to be honest, I feel blessed that I can call a small piece of earth here my own.
I hope I keep showing up on my yoga mat – not just as a visiting tech bro from Bangalore, but when this becomes my everyday life. I hope the magic doesn’t quietly fade when I move to Coimbatore next year. And if it does, I tell myself not to fret. Bangalore, Dublin, Seattle, Hyderabad, the Himalayas – every road I’ve taken has somehow led me back here. If I need to wander again to remember that this is home, I will. And I’ll find my way back, like I always have.
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